Sep 29, 2007
Starting with Four Eyed Monsters....two people meet and decide to communicate only through artistic mediums. No talking (between them). True story. Written/directed/starring/funded by the couple (and their Mastercard/Visa/Amex). Between the Podcasts and "Episodes" you almost have your pick of watching the true-true story or the recreation of the true story. Made for 50,000 with a brilliant grassroots campaign that sets new standards for grassroots campaigns.
Then "The Hottest State" a seductive story of unrequited love at it's highest and lowest, filmed with remarkable composition. Frames often showing characters from the nose down creating this generic torso by leaving out the identifying eyes. Not letting you make eye contact with the characters makes it easy to respond and forces you to think a little outside the box since the typical things we get information from aren't given to the audience.
Then, thenthenthen! there is "Once." Beautiful, Irish, song-filled, tactual and real and Christalmightywow. I don't know what to tell you about "Once", really, except you need to go see it. And then you will need to rush home and you will need to download the soundtrack. And if you don't love it, well, then I think it's plausible that the state of your soul is in jeopardy.
I don't know what to tell you about any of these movies, really. "Authentic" is the word that comes to mind.
And, the real beauty is that, that, okay, I know it's a movie. Carefully edited to give me all the right parts, to make me feel all the right things with the swelling of violins here and there and a nice, purposeful close up on an expression. And, just maybe, life is not as romantic as the movies make it out to be. And I know my pollyannaism is rampant but, i think life is almost this perfect. Reality is full of all these parts where we smile uncontrollably, where we just almost cry and then we don't, and then we do, and then we laugh and it is so automatic we don't take time to notice our own life. We do take time to see who's seeing the same.
The state and source of my contentment has always been a subject of debate. My optimism is unfathomably high. It was after watching "Once" I realized that the "swelling violin" part of a good movie makes me feel hope. Hope and a lump in my throat. I needed a vocabulary word because the long drawn out sighs weren't really communicating it for me. When I look around me, I feel hope. When you tell me your story and when I see certain Truths I feel hope. My head is full of consistent, self-sustaining uncontrollable hope.
And when I look around, I hear music.
Sep 28, 2007
Somedays I look
I look at you with eyes that shine
Somedays I don't
I don't believe that you are mine
It's no good asking me what time of day it is,
Who won the match or scored the goal
Somedays I look
Somedays I look into your soul
----"Somedays," Paul McCartney
From the back seat of the car after hearing these lyrics:
Penn: Momma, what's a soul?
Me: Well, [stalling] a soul....is.......
Penn: [interrupts] Is a soul like music? In your brain?
Me: [thinking metaphorically] Um...kinda? I think a soul is like the love inside of you.
Penn: Oh. I have that.
Penn went to shoot a party with me. I was giving him my D70 backup cam to shoot too. But he decided he'd rather let mommy take the pictures while he busied himself charming the ladies and eating tiny cakes.
Look for full party story in upcoming Advocate Magazine.
Sep 25, 2007
Sep 24, 2007
Kinome has gone forth and multiplied! Meet her adorable 5 month old Lily.
Before I was this thing called mom, I stayed clear of babies. I was aware kids of all ages liked me and I thought they were okay, but I didn't necessarily want to touch them and I certainly did not want to hold an infant for godsakes. I am sometimes clumsy.
Post mom is a whole other story. The birth of Penn awakened maternal instincts and on the outside, I'm just admiring your child. I'm just saying he's cute or smart.
On the inside I'm screaming, "BABIES ARE SO SOOOOFT AND THEY SMELLLLLL SO GOOOOOD!"
Right. We're all happy I'm holding that back.
[There are a few more on my flickr.]
Sep 22, 2007
Sep 19, 2007
Sep 18, 2007
When I dropped Penn off at school yesterday they were drawing Family Portraits. Penn drew the above. From left to right: Papa, Penn, Mom. (Note who's the tallest!)
This morning we sat outside, me with coffee and him drawing more portraits on post-it notes. From left to right: Papa, Alien Penn, Dad, Mom.
I love how he drew himself as an "alien" with one eye. And I love how he turned it to show me then saw I had on glasses. "One second," he said as he drew glasses on me.
I think they're the most beautiful 3 year old drawings I've ever seen, heh.
Sep 17, 2007
Today I shot Tim Pattillo, a teacher at Hexter Elementary who is raising money for new novels. The class felt like so much fun.
In fact, walking the halls of the school with the bright blue lockers and the academia that bubbled out of the open doors, the children lined up to go here and there and the smell of cafeteria food, I felt a surge of nostalgia. I wanted the 3rd grade and Mrs. Tucker and wide ruled notebooks back.
Next month is my 10 year high school reunion. Sheesh!
Sep 16, 2007
Sep 15, 2007
He's talking about transformers.
From down the hall I can hear his little mouth stretch open and exhale a yawn in the tone that only exists in the breathy echo brushed against the inside of a toddler's vocal chord and suddenly---because it always comes suddenly---I am swept completely away by how amazing he is and how unearthly important his existence is to me. And not just his life, but his happy life. A life where, at this point, I control that happiness. It is pressure beyond belief. My heart explodes wondering how many letters and Spanish words I can cram into him a day. Wondering if I bought enough fresh vegetables this week to feed him. Wondering if we played soccer in the back yard long enough, if we colored together long enough, if he liked the way I read him Dr. Seuss tonight and suddenly, suddenly I vow that the next time he says, "Just one more story, Momma," I will say Yes. Yes. Yes.
For christsake, yes.
Because there is nothing more important and the very second I let this big fat world with all it's trinkets and winks distract me I am wrong. I am my most wrong.
That tiny yawn and voice that filters down the hallway, the one that only asks his mommy love him just a little bit more, just one more hug and one more kiss before he can't hold his eyes open anymore, it feels like everything I've ever done and everything I'll ever do. That tiny little chest so dedicated to rising and falling, if no one is around, sometimes I'll think about it. How I guarded it when he was days, weeks old, freshly alive, I watched it, willed it to rise and fall and rise and fall and never ever stop. I still do that. And I love him so much ideas of the way he smells and that spot beneath his chin that will give me the best laugh, suddenly, always suddenly, there is a minute to cry.
For christsake, yes.
And sometimes I want to pass out babies to everyone so they can see what it feels like to hear their child yawn in the middle of the night and come to understand everything. There is nothing more powerful than that Love.
It is everything.
Sep 14, 2007
Sep 11, 2007
Sep 9, 2007
Sep 7, 2007
Sep 4, 2007
Sep 3, 2007
Sep 2, 2007
I've been a fan of Darius since, oh, 1998? 99? I get really happy when I watch people do exactly what they're supposed to be doing, and do it perfectly. Darius is one of those people. Yes, that's him managing a guitar and keys at the same time.
The new album is absolutely fabulous and he Brings IT to the live show too. He's one of the few artists whose songs I know all the words to. Seeing him live made me the happiest camper ever.
Next up at Sons of Herman was the Ta Dahs. I think this may have been one of their most entertaining shows to me. As fun as the music is, I'm happy just listening to the stage banter. "Next up is where 200 people sing along! Or, maybe just the sound of 15 armpit sounds..."
And who could ever get enough of Hal?
I'll post everything here eventually.