it ain't easy.

here's the situation: they're turning our apartments into fancy shmancy condos. we have to be out by september 1st. we haven't found a house yet. benji has been out of town and is working around the clock when he's in town so he's not available to look at homes. i'm sort of doing the legwork, weeding out things that smell like mold or are next to crack dens, etc.

i've contacted a mortgage broker and we're going to talk to him sunday. our application is already in and we know we can get approved for 200,000, however a house at that cost is going to put our monthly payments higher than we'd like. (we want to stay at 900 and under if possible, keeping our cost of living the same.) it's all speculation at this point, though.

saturday, hopefully, we're going to do another round of house looking with our dream agent and we'll be more financially armed with the information we'll obtain on sunday. i've called our apt./condo owners who say they'll probably let us stay here another two weeks if we have proof we're closing on a home.

otherwise, benji says we'll do a 6 month lease on an apartment while we're looking.

personally, i think we can do it. i think we can find and buy a house in a month, and if it takes even six weeks, i think we could put everything in storage and camp out at a friends house for a week or stay in an extended stay hotel type place.

i've got everyone on a rush with money, baby and time as a leverage. i know i'm guilty of doing it, but right now i'm a little sick of people telling what's impossible. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE. nothing. so work with me people.

i love the one house i saw way too much. mary and i have discussed the house and it's proximity . . .walking distance . . .to one another, like highschool students who think they're going to grow up and mary brothers and live on the same block where our kids will grow up to be best friends.

i love this house because it's ready to move in. it's clean and nice and well painted. nothing needs to be changed. well . . .. there is that blue carpet in one room, but at least it's new.

i have bbq's and housewarming parties planned out in my head. i even had a dream about it last night.

but benji hasn't seen it yet, and the mortgage guy says it will cost us more per month than we want.

my fingers are crossed three times over. i am not excited about living in another apartment for 6 months. 6 months of limbo. i am not excited about staying here one more day. my carpet is nice and stained from baby spillage and fingerpaint, but i see no reason to spend money shampooing and scrubbing carpet that will be ripped out in no time anyway.

it ain't easy. and still, dude, i'm so grateful.