penn is asleep now, but i can still see him in my head, walking to the guitar all by himself. peeking his head over the edge of the bed as i read him "alice in wonderland" and then giggling and "running" away as i chase him into his stuffed linx. short, jerky little steps that make you hold your breath until he makes it to a destination decided upon by gravity. i can still see him grin. a grin that gets wider and prouder with every independent touch of tiny bare foot soles to carpet. one in front of the other without a hand or couch or coffee table to guide him. little baby penn in the midst of naked space. held breaths and hopes and squeals of delight when he doesn't fall forward or plop to his behind. however far he gets, whether i have to lean in and catch him or he makes it to something to hold, i pick him up and swing him around. bounce him and giggle and put my lips to his ear and tell him how very proud i am and how desperatley i love him and his little working legs.
he fell asleep this afternoon IN HIS HIGHCHAIR-----WHILE EATING LUNCH! it was the weirdest cutest thing i've seen since two minutes before while we practiced walking. he literally popped a bite of pear in his mouth, leaned his head back, and passed out. i watched for a minute to make sure this is what was happening and ran for the camera. while asleep, he reached clumsily for another bite and put it in his mouth, without ever opening his eyes. so sweet.
i met today with a man who wants to do a collabrative photography project to get into some dallas gallery. i don't like his work at all. i wanted to turn around right there, but it was a 15 minute trip, so i decided to stick it out. i showed him some prints i had and he flipped through them like it was yesterday's coupons. how can one decide to work with someone if they don't look at their work? he shoots digital now and tried to tell me how to use photoshop. "i know how to use photoshop," i say. and he just kept on giving miniscule tips any beginner would know and i stated again----"look, i'm a friggin photoshop whiz, aight?" still with the tips. his house smells funny. dusty, i think. i could barely breath. when i walked in i was greeted by a dog with a bald backside. mange, i feared and made a note not to touch it. i didn't even put penn on the floor for fear of the weirdo diseased canine. the man kept saying "oops" over and over for no reason. he had mentioned he wanted to shoot people. i asked him if he had shot people before. "oh, a long time ago i used to shoot people all the time." he pulled out some photo albums and every page he said, "see, see, i used to shoot people all the time." he referred to all of his pictures as "this is just me playing around, you know." get serious. and you think this big shot gallery is going to let you in with your----play things? your dusty mangy bad toys? okay. i'm being judgemental. i've no right to say what is "good" or "bad." it is all a matter of opinion. I DON'T CARE. his shit's raunchy. so's his dog bellie, who never did say hi to me, no matter how much he begged. i stayed 10 minutes tops. and told him, sure, if he's got this proposal written, or whatever and wants to try and get my work in along with his and gets some concept, please, of what he'd like to do, give me a ring. i don't think i'll be calling him. ew.
i am interested in showing, but haven't pursued it much. too busy and too indecisive. i don't know exactly what i'd show at this point either. i guess it's different for every venue. ah well. something to think about later.
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