empty nest syndrome hits early

sometimes i wonder why i'm not some big pimp chef running a super resturant. i made burritos tonight for penn and i. they kick ass. in case you'd like to try them:

ingredients:
spinach onion garlic tortillias (just buy the green ones)
brown rice
smushed black beans
zuccini, cut small and sauteed in olive oil and garlic salt
colby jack cheese
mozzarella cheese
vegetable oil

put all the ingredients in the tortillia. fold ends over, then fold sides, overlapping. fry on both sides for a minute (they brown supa fast). serve with sour cream. i think they could've used olives. for once, i was out.

they're super yummy! penn ate half of one and i ate the other half. yes, he literally eats as much as i do. both of us were very impressed.

today he flipped right over the bedrail. heels over head and then bam! flat on his back. so scary because i was lying in bed with him reading alice in wonderland and couldn't move quick enough to catch him.

in the evening, benji comes home from work and we re-hash our beautiful day, filled with parks and reading and playing and walking . . .and then we move on to how many times p. has hurt himself. i dread i will hear the knock of social services, ha ha. i can hear them now, "so, exactly how many times has your kid hit his head and/or fallen out of the bed?" p.'s godfather is a social worker. perhaps he can vouch for my love.

penn is asleep in the bed now. at the end, where he has manuvered around all of his protective pillows, covers and rails. i think tomorrow night i'm going to try putting him on his crib mattress on the floor and see if it kills me. it might. i adore sleeping with him. i went to sleep last night with a warm little bare foot on the back of my neck. little toes, curling and flexing on their own. i will desperatley miss that if i have to put him on the floor.

i swear to you, i already have empty nest syndrome. penn is 9 months, 2 weeks, and 1 day old. part of me wants him to stay right here. in fact, maybe go back a month before he was so mobile, and let me have him little and dependent forever. young and innocent and beautiful, no matter what. and part of me is ready for grandbabies. hah. i enjoy every tiny thing he does. i'm fascinated. annoyed, of course, sometimes, but still utterly intrigued by this little being that i grew! that i'm still growing. and i just hate hate hate that i'm actually having to think about not sleeping with him.

penn and i have only been apart for four hours since he was born. i know it's insane of me. we've just managed so well taking him with us and i don't have family here to watch him. i've varying reasons why my friends aren't babysitters. i've varying financial reasons he doesn't have a nanny or a daycare. we don't need one. so there. i'm staying at home, with the bebe, and i'll just have to earn my keep another way. benji is a blessing.

so, it's he and i, the whole day long. and we like it that way. sure, i'd like a break. i'd like a massage. i'd really like a massage. just doesn't get any better for me, ha-ha! but, staying at home with a sore back from "walking" the boy is just as rewarding.

i'm off to finish crocheting my blanket so my penn can sleep with it soon. *sigh* ben says he could have used it a year ago (i haven't been working on it that long). i have some obsession with it being huge. i wanted a great big huge hand crocheted cotton blanket. i've only 3 more balls of yarn and we'll be done. it weighs a ton.

g'nite.